I hate the rain. Look at the mud inside the train. We’re like pigs on a farm.
Great. Some chick already took my favorite seat. Can this day get any better?
She looks attractive, though. Maybe I should talk to her. Never mind. She’s not gonna like me anyway. Probably waiting for some rich boy.
I feel like I’ve seen her before. I don’t want to be creepy, but I’d like to know. This doubt is itching my brain now.
Shit. She noticed me.
“Can I help you with something?” she asks.
I hesitate.
“Um… you look familiar.”
She smirks. “I’m not surprised.”
“I don’t get it. Why do you look familiar?”
“Seriously? Can’t you recognize me?”
“Not really.”
“Come sit next to me,” she says.
“I’m Kumar,” I say.
“I’m Velvet.”
“Tell me.”
She leans in slightly and whispers, “I’m an actress.”
“Oh, that’s why. But I can’t remember which movie.”
“You should be embarrassed. You meet a famous person once in your life, and you don’t recognize them?”
“Will recognizing you pay my bills?”
“Not recognizing me will keep you where you are for the rest of your life,” she says.
Ouch. That hurts.
“I don’t buy it,” I say.
“What don’t you buy?”
“That you’re a celebrity. ’Cause you’re fucking rude. Didn’t your PR people teach you how to talk to the public? With your fake ‘care’ toward us?”
“Like what? Hold your hand and suck your cock?”
“You know what, Miss Badass? It was nice talking to you.”
I move to a different seat. She’s still looking at me with a smug expression.
I hate that. I mean, she’s attractive. That’s… that’s bothering me. I’m angry that she’s attractive because I want her to like me. But why do I care?
“I can hear what you’re thinking,” she says.
“Huh?”
“You’re still curious about what movie I’m in, aren’t you?”
Maybe I am.
“That’s not what I was thinking. But if you really want to tell me, then be my guest.”
She signals for me to sit next to her again. I hesitate, again.
“Hero,” she says.
“Superhero?”
“Yup.”
“I’ve seen every superhero movie ever made, but I don’t recall seeing your face.”
“Take another look and think again.”
She removes her scarf and glasses. Her face is calming, like nothing I’ve felt before.
“Nope. Don’t think so. You’re messing with me.”
“I’m not. I was in a superhero movie.”
“What’s the title?”
“Title?”
“There are a lot of superhero movies. Which one?”
She leans in close and whispers in my ear, “Thunder Angel XXX.”
I freeze. “You’re a porn actress!”
Her face falls. “Why?” she asks. “Doesn’t it turn you on anymore?”
“I mean, it’s not that—”
“Then what? I saw your face change the second I told you what I did.”
“Yeah, it’s just… It’s not the same thing.”
“Oh, I know why you were staring at me.”
Her lips curl into a smirk. “You thought you had a chance, didn’t you?”
“I’m serious. You’re attractive. I liked you and was just trying to start a conversation, that’s all.”
“Liked?”
“What?”
“You said ‘liked’. So, you don’t like me anymore?”
“I do like you,” I say.
She relaxes a little.
“Do you like me?” I ask.
“I don’t know.”
“Then why did you talk to me?”
“I was interested in talking to you,” she says.
“You said ‘was.’ That’s past. So you don’t have any interest anymore?”
Her face tightens. “What I meant was, I just wanted to chat. That’s it. Stop twisting my words.”
Shit. She seems annoyed. I shouldn’t let her slip away.
“Can I say something?” I ask carefully.
She exhales. “Hmm.”
“Should we clear things up a bit? Feels like tension’s brewing.”
“Okay, let’s start over.”
She straightens up, extends her hand. “Hi, my name is Velvet, and I’m an adult entertainer.”
I shake her hand. “Hi, I’m Kumar. I work in marketing. I couldn’t help but notice you’re attractive, and I’d love to get to know you better.”
She tilts her head. “You seem interesting. I’d enjoy chatting with you.”
“That’s it?”
“See? You’re starting again.”
“Okay, my fault.”
“Do you watch porn?” she asks.
I raise an eyebrow. “I’m devout. I won’t commit such a sin.”
She snorts. “Get out of here.”
I chuckle. “I’m a lower-middle-class guy. Where do you think I get my joy from? Of course, I watch porn.”
“Have you seen mine?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“I don’t mind. Tell me.”
“Honestly, I hadn’t seen it before, and I didn’t know you were in porn until now. You just reminded me of someone, and I wanted to talk.”
“Did it change how you feel about me?”
I hesitate.
“I want the truth,” she says.
I sigh. “Yeah, I still like you. I’d like to take you out. But—”
“But?”
“Look, your job has consequences. I’m being honest. It’ll affect our everyday life. I mean, suppose we get closer.”
“Suppose,” she echoes.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You seem disappointed.”
“I’m bothered by what you said. I don’t see the difference. Actors do sex scenes, too, so why am I any different? Why do you suddenly change tone when it comes to me?” she says.
“Acting isn’t just about the sex scenes, is it? Acting is about self-exploration. And please, don’t tell me porn is about sexual exploration. Hey, it’s your choice. Yes, I like you. But I’m not ready to face the consequences of my lover getting banged every day by random dudes for a living.”
“Just admit you’d be jealous.”
“Nah, not really.”
“You are, though. You’re just avoiding it… jealousy.”
I sigh. “Let’s say your partner’s a firefighter, facing danger every day. How does that affect your relationship?”
“You’re comparing porn to life-and-death situations. That’s ridiculous.”
“I’m talking about differences between men and women. We have different values and expectations.”
She stiffens. The word value hits her hard.
“Velvet?” I say softly.
“Value,” she mutters under her breath.
“Hey—”
“You know what? For a second, I thought we had something nice,” she says quietly. “You keep repeating why you wouldn’t date me ’cause I do porn. Have you ever thought… what if I quit?”
I swallow. “I’m sorry.”
She gets up. “Fuck your sorry.”
I watch her rush to the door. I should say something, but I don’t.
Maybe I was prejudiced. But my ego won’t let me admit it.
I just need to get through this day and forget her. Will I be able to forget her?
I know where to find her. I just have to search for Thunder Angel XXX.
I’m just another loser. What else can I do?